I pull my drapes closed in the evening.
At night I ponder at what is out there in this wilderness.
I dreamt of a pack of wolves right outside, they lunged at me when I dared to peak.
My friend told me not to fear them, but to run with them.
I look at my tarot card I pulled for the day: a reverse knight of cups.
It told me that I am sulky, moody and jealous.
The readings are always right.
But acknowledging the fact doesn’t change much.
I sit with my grief, the year has been difficult.
‘It will get better,’ they say.
Well when? Because I’ve been waiting and giving, giving, giving and still nothing.
I pray, meditate, workout, ask—no beg, for change.
My heart churn’s when I look at you, so happy, successful and doubt you ever think of me.
But now I am glad you are succeeding, proud that you’ve gained more success than you ever would have in Texas.
You didn’t even remember me in high school,
Now I doubt I even cross your mind now.
All the precious moments that meant so much to me, what did they ever mean to you?
Tag: happiness
Concerning My Soul & Its Relation To The Physical
External rejections
Of internal reflections
Private insurrections.
Employee aggravations
Let downs of my nation.
Indigenous iration.
Emotional reactants
Miscommunications
With no live captions
And yet despite our differences
Dissonant instances,
Misconstrued inferences.
I still love you the same.
Even between happiness & pain,
Spasms from the left & right of my brain.
It’s just sometimes I feel full of doubt
Or an animal that should never be let out.
Living this moment too many times to count.
More apparition than man,
A hermit bogged down in sand
Or a fish washed up onto land.
Bear with me, still getting used to this shell
What is Heaven, once hell
A tall tree or bright star that fell.
Betwixt the self loathing
Longing to be lonely—
She’s the only one to show me
That this chest still beats,
And even beasts can weep
Over shadows on the walls of sleep.